Dear Gigi: Trust God with Your Dreams

Dear Gigi,

I love telling this story. I tell it all the time, but I thought I would write it down for you. To remind you to trust God with your dreams, to trust He has the best plan for you and your family, even when its not your plan.

Your first year of life was hard.  Food allergies for an infant is hard, hard on the baby and harder on the parents. We worried, we prayed, we all grew older that year, for the better and for worse.

After your first birthday, we knew what your allergies and we were able to avoid them. You flourished. My beautiful baby was a toddler and I missed the baby stage. I cried at the thought of weaning you. The thought of the baby stage ending made my heart sad for time gone forever.

Your dad was content with the size and the completion of our family. He was clear that he did not want another baby.  That rough first year was felt by your father just as deeply as me, maybe more so. He did not want any more children, he said his heart could not take it. I did not disagree. It was a hard year. And yet, I envisioned three children. In my heart there was another baby that belonged in our family.

But he was right. We were tired, our emotions were raw with stress and worry. And what if the other baby had food allergies like you? or worse. So, although I longed for another baby, I did not disagree with my husband. So I quiet, and hoarded baby clothes.

I kept and stored every stitch of baby clothes you and your older brother ever wore. Six bins of baby clothes were stashed in the attic, drawers, and under beds. I was saving for that baby that we were never going to have. My fear was if I gave away my baby clothes,  I would give away my third baby dream. I did not trust God to provide for this desire.  I thought I knew better.   I did not.

At Christmas, our church friends gathered for a holiday party. The party discussion for the evening was if Christ were coming to dinner, what would we give him for Christmas? We went around the room and gave various intangible things, some gave Facebook time, some gave others things. Truth be told, I do not recall what others gave because I was consumed by my gift. I knew the instant the question was asked what I would give. I would give all my baby clothes. Actually I would give my trust to God for another baby and I would give away all my baby clothes.  I could hardly get the words out with out crying.

The following week, even the act of gathering these clothes drove me to tears. Yet, I kept my promise. That is was faith is, not only believing that God will provide, but acting on it. The analogy of a chair comes to mind, not only believing that the chair will hold you up, but actually sitting in the chair. So for me, it was not only believing that God would fulfill my desire, but to trust by giving away all these baby clothes.  I choose to believe God would fill my void. And IF (a big if) I was to have another baby,  He would provide all the baby needed.  I needed to trust God and my spouse  about what was best for our family. I needed to put my desires aside and trust.

This was about two weeks before Christmas. By christmas, the difficult task had been complete. Then we all got sick. You, me, your father and brother all got the stomach flu for Christmas. Christmas was cancelled. We called your grandparents and told them not to come to the house of illness. We were traveling the next month and we would celebrate then.

The week after our trip, I discovered I was pregnant. It seems God's Christmas gift to me was a stomach bug, But this stomach bug, and meds that followed to recover, completely eliminated the effectiveness of my birth control.

Then there was the act of telling your dad. When I think back on that day of worry, I believe I was attacked. Attacked by negativity and doubt and lies. I married a good, honest, gentle man that loves us more than himself. I feel badly for worrying all day, I wasted time that I did not have to.

Your dad knew.

What?!? "How did you know?" I cried.

"God told me you were pregnant. I just knew" He said calmly.

"If you knew why didn't you tell me?!?"

"Because if you weren't pregnant, you'd wanna be!" he smiled.

We laugh about it now.

Your brother's name, Samuel, means asked of God.  Because I asked for another baby, and your dad asked for another boy.  He said he could only handle one girl, one Gigi.

So we asked and God answered with Samuel.

I think God was waiting for my trust. His plan is the best for us. Sometimes that lines up with what we want, and sometimes it doesn't. But God knows better than us.

I do not know what your heart desires as you read this. A school, a job, a relationship, a baby, a goal, a change.....but I know that God has a plan for you. I pray that you will trust Him with your dreams and rest knowing that His ways are perfect.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.        Jeremiah 29:11

Always travel in Hope and Kindness

Dear Gigi,

Today we went to the bike store to retrieve my road bike. I've been injured off and on for the last two months, so I am moving forward with something new. I've owned this bike for over an year and have yet to take a ride. Its time.  Its time to try something new and learn how to fly in a new way. That's the hope part. It's easy to push and push and get frustrated as our plans don't go our way. Its much harder to try a new direction. Don't mis-understand, I'm not giving up on running....but I choose now to travel in hope and try something new.  I hope I like it cycling.  I hope I love it.  I hope I keep running too.

We were the first to arrive at the store. In fact, we arrived before the clerk.  He arrived flustered and late and grumpy.  He complained how "the other guy" did no work and left a mess for him to clean up. He complained that he had worked 16 days straight without a day off. He complained that my bike was not ready because the "other guy" is lazy and on and on.

I was annoyed. Frankly I didn't care about him or his troubles. He was rude and unprofessional. He said my bike would be ready in an hour and to return then. He would work on my bike just as soon as he cleaned up the mess the other guy left him.

We left to deliver meals and I was hot. What terrible customer service! Really! I would pick up my bike and never return. No, I would pick up my bike and then called the owner and complain of his bad behavior.

You were sitting in the back with your brothers, unaware that anything was the matter.

"That guy was really grumpy," I said.  No answer, none of you noticed. You were in awe of the hundreds of bikes lined up neatly in a row. Really I'm surprised I noticed as I was terrified that one of you would knock one or more of the bikes over. They were poised for the dreaded domino effect.

"If you were grumpy and had to work, what would make you feel better?'

"Play a game for 10 hrs" Sebastian chimed in.

"Well, he can't because he's at work"

"Go home to mom & dad?"  Sweet Sam.

"He can't, he has to work."

"He needs a snack." Oh Gigi, you are wise beyond your years.

He probably got out of bed 10 mins before arriving at work and didn't have breakfast. Your sweet heart softened mine. It was settled. We would eat our lunch at the Chic-fil-A next door to the bike shop and bring this grumpy guy a cookie. I can't imagine a reprimand from his boss would help his demeanor, nor losing his job.

When we returned he was still working on my bike. I frowned.

"I brought you something." I said cheerfully. He didn't look up.

"Oh?" He grumbled.

"Yes, we thought you were having a rough day, so we brought you a cookie."

He looked down at the cookie. "Sweet!"

His entire demeanor changed. He cheerfully told me the story  of knocking all the bikes over in the store as I fussed at Sam not to touch anything. I paid and he helped me load the bike into our minivan. Which he did with ease and joy.

Other than the "sweet," nothing was said about the cookie. But he cheered quite a bit. And that was worth it. Far more than wondering if my complaint got him fired, I left knowing that I, at least, increased his sugar levels and he was no longer hangry (hungry + anger).

Travel in kindness, my dear Gigi. Although I might have felt better, telling him or his boss about his bad behavior, it would have helped no one, including me. This way, it might help the next customer that walked in.

I hope when you behave badly at your job, as we all do sometimes, that someone will extend grace, kindness and mercy.

"It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless." L.R. Knost

"Those who are Kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin of themselves." Proverbs 11:17 

"Be Kind whenever possible. It is always possible "  Dalai Lama XIV