When meeting a new person, I am often asked, "What do you?" An unassuming question to try to get to know me. I confess I struggle with this question. I do not struggle with the answer, I struggle with the reaction of the person that hears my answer.
I struggle when I see questioner's eyes glaze over and suddenly we don't have that much in common any more. Or I struggle when the immediate response is, "I couldn't do that." But in the undertones it sounds like I couldn't do their job.
Recently the questioner went even further. A kind man, with no ill-will intended (I think) followed up with, "What do you do all day?"
I was shocked at the question, and found myself stammering and rattling off things I do to prove my worth. He seemed content with the answer and moved on. I did not. I played over and over in my head my possible answers. How could I have answered the question better?
Then, I had an idea. I would answer the question. For you, for the curious guy who has no idea, and for myself. I decided to take pictures of my day. A picture every hour documenting what exactly I was doing with my day.
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| 5:30 AM start with 6 mile run |
At the end of day, when all the work was done, all the errands and chores (for that day) and you were in bed, I sat and thought and felt empty and a little worthless. I did something that day, that I had hoped to stop doing.... I was striving for acceptance.
There is nothing about my day that I changed. The pictures show a typical Monday. From early morning run, to Meals on Wheels, weights, piano, boy scouts, that is our typical Monday. I did not change my day to take more pictures...but what I did do was THINK about it. I thought about those pictures all day long. I thought about what I was doing and why I was doing it and deep down, subconsciously I was asking for approval.
Is this enough? Am I doing enough? Am I enough as a Stay-at-home-mom? Would working and earning a paycheck make me enough?
If I rely on myself to answer this question, the answer is No.
Of my own power, I am not enough. Going even further, if I rely on other things, other than Christ the answer will still be a resounding no.
The magic number on the scale will not be enough. Even if you reach that magic perfect number on the scale, it will not be enough.
That large paycheck will not be enough. The promotion to put you above someone else will still not be enough, as there is still a higher rung on that ladder.
That degree, that race, those clothes, that house or car will not be enough to stop striving for acceptance. Because all of those things only perpetuate the problem.
It is the false belief that if we can only get X, our hearts be satisfied. But it is those things that empty our hearts even more and so we continue to strive.
It is when I stop striving and accept that Christ felt that I was worthy enough to leave heaven and die for me that I find peace. It is with that realization that I can go on with my day, knowing that I have been placed here for a reason. I am your mother for a purpose and God has a plan for my life. It is then that I can smile at those that do not understand what I do all day or why.
Dearest Gigi, you are worthy. You are enough. God has a plan for you now, in this place and at this time.
I am not saying not to get that degree. I am not saying never to step on the scale. I am definitely not saying not to go for that promotion or to run that race. Houses, cars, clothes and all the luxuries we are afforded are not evil in themselves. What I am saying is those things in which we strive will not fill the God-shaped hole in our souls. Only God can fill that. And the wonderful part, God did that on purpose! He has something better for you than the shallowness of this world.
I hope that you learn this sooner than I did... and am still learning. You do not need to strive.
You are enough....just the way God made you.
"For we are God’s Masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Ephesians 2:10
