Dear Gigi, Be disappointed, but keep going.

Dearest Gigi:

I am glad you are only 7 years old and missed the majority of the ugliness of this campaign season. I am thankful, that I am writing to you here rather then explaining to you now. But I know that will not always be the case. In fact, I believe things will get worse and your simplistic life will awaken to the darkness and complications of reality.  For now I write to you so you know my thoughts are on you and your brothers. I pray you will find hope and joy in God and not a person. People are fallible and will disappoint you, but God will never disappoint. His purpose is to give you hope and future and not to harm you. (Jer 29:11)

So there was a presidential election last week and I am disappointed. I say that because I am. The choices in the two major parties were both complicated and crooked. Both harmful and ugly. The difference is one had hidden sin and the other outward hate.

One candidate appeared to say all the right things, she appeared decent and honorable and trustworthy, but stories of how she lied and cheated and bullied surrounded her. She was called a traitor and cheater and yet she promised only good for the country. She preached tolerance, acceptance and hope, and yet I wondered how much was true. She worked for the government for 30 years, working at multiple levels of public service, yet there were stories how she used her positions to gain more wealth and power.

The other candidate was worse. He was loud and mean and outwardly hateful. He preached open hate. He made fun the disabled. He objectified and belittled women. He did not even try to appear  honorable, but was proud of his ugliness, ostracizing entire classes of people, religions and genders. I disliked everything about him. A man of multiple wives and multiple mistresses, and unashamed.

I disliked both if them, yet I still voted. I voted for the best person running for president. Although both dislikable, I really felt that more voters like me would vote for hope rather than outward ugliness.  That is how I voted. I would rather have hidden sin the outward evil. That is how I saw them. I know that is not very bright either.

Throughout the campaign I was disappointed in the hate that would spew from each party. I was disappointed at those that would ridicule and insult those that supported opposing parties, and I was disappointed by those that would make excuses for the failings of their candidate. I was disappointed how others would follow based solely on the party's views and not the candidates flaws, as if the views of the party over-shadowed all the candidate's failing. There was/is no guarantee of their future decisions. I wanted good men and women to stand up and say No, that is not right. But that did not happen, and when it did, it did not last for long.

On election night, the votes were tallied and I was disappointed again. In my naivety, I hoped that voters would choose that which was honorable, or at least appeared outwardly honorable. But they did not, and an ugly harsh, mean, rude man was elected. Then riots in the street. More hate spread at the aftermath, and more hope lost. I saw many who put their hope is a person completely devastated. Anger, sorrow, depression followed. There is no worse feeling than disappointment.

Dear Gigi do not put your hope this world. Do not put your hope in people. We live in a fallen world with fallen people. Your hope should firmly stand on God and God's word. God's word, the Bible recounts that this world is not our home, it is but only a grain of sand that is the ocean of heaven and a redeemed world.

All wrong will be made right, all tears will be wiped away and our God will take us home.
In the meantime, do not wallow in disappointment. In the meantime, get up and keep moving. Make your part of the world better, volunteer, love anyway and for goodness sake stand up for what you believe it. If it is wrong, say it is wrong! And if its right and true and follows God word, then stand for that too, even if its unpopular. Two things will last forever, People and Gods word.

Love God and Love others.

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God.        Micah 6:8

Dear Gigi, You are enough

Dear Gigi,

When meeting a new person, I am often asked, "What do you?" An unassuming question to try to get to know me.  I confess I struggle with this question. I do not struggle with the answer, I struggle with the reaction of the person that hears my answer.

I struggle when I see questioner's eyes glaze over and suddenly we don't have that much in common any more. Or I struggle when the immediate response is, "I couldn't do that." But in the undertones it sounds like I couldn't do their job.

Recently the questioner went even further. A kind man, with no ill-will intended (I think) followed up with, "What do you do all day?"

I was shocked at the question, and found myself stammering and rattling off things I do to prove my worth. He seemed content with the answer and moved on.  I did not.  I played over and over in my head my possible answers. How could I have answered the question better?

Then, I had an idea. I would answer the question. For you, for the curious guy who has no idea, and for myself. I decided to take pictures of my day. A picture every hour documenting what exactly I was doing with my day.

5:30 AM start with 6 mile run

At the end of day, when all the work was done, all the errands and chores (for that day) and you were in bed, I sat and thought and felt empty and a little worthless.  I did something that day, that I had hoped to stop doing.... I was striving for acceptance.

There is nothing about my day that I changed. The pictures show a typical Monday. From early morning run, to Meals on Wheels, weights, piano, boy scouts, that is our typical Monday.  I did not change my day to take more pictures...but what I did do was THINK about it. I thought about those pictures all day long. I thought about what I was doing and why I was doing it and deep down, subconsciously I was asking for approval.

Is this enough? Am I doing enough? Am I enough as a Stay-at-home-mom? Would working and earning a paycheck make me enough?

If I rely on myself to answer this question, the answer is No.
Of my own power, I am not enough. Going even further, if I rely on other things, other than Christ the answer will still be a resounding no.

The magic number on the scale will not be enough. Even if you reach that magic perfect number on the scale, it will not be enough.

That large paycheck will not be enough. The promotion to put you above someone else will still not be enough, as there is still a higher rung on that ladder.

That degree, that race, those clothes, that house or car will not be enough to stop striving for acceptance. Because all of those things only perpetuate the problem.

It is the false belief that if we can only get X, our hearts be satisfied. But it is those things that empty our hearts even more and so we continue to strive.

It is when I stop striving and accept that Christ felt that I was worthy enough to leave heaven and die for me that I find peace. It is with that realization that I can go on with my day, knowing that I have been placed here for a reason. I am your mother for a purpose and God has a plan for my life.  It is then that I can smile at those that do not understand what I do all day or why.

Dearest Gigi, you are worthy. You are enough. God has a plan for you now, in this place and at this time.

I am not saying not to get that degree. I am not saying never to step on the scale. I am definitely not saying not to go for that promotion or to run that race. Houses, cars, clothes and all the luxuries we are afforded are not evil in themselves. What I am saying is those things in which we strive will not fill the God-shaped hole in our souls. Only God can fill that. And the wonderful part, God did that on purpose!  He has something better for you than the shallowness of this world.

I hope that you learn this sooner than I did... and am still learning. You do not need to strive.

You are enough....just the way God made you.

"For we are God’s Masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."    

Ephesians 2:10

Finish Anyway (Boston edition)

Dearest Gigi,


I had a goal race. The big one for many marathon runners. I have heard it described as the Olympics for mortals. If you can't qualify for the Olympic trials then qualify for Boston. Many a runner will know what I am talking about .....you might not. As much as I hope you'll become a runner and love this sport...you might not, so I'll explain.

Boston is not just any marathon. This race requires a qualifying time in order to participate. So there's really a series of tasks that must be completed in order to even gain entry and start on Patriots Day. First you have to train for a marathon. Not the Boston Marathon, but a different marathon in which to submit qualifying time. Next you have to actually run a qualifying time. This is no easy task. Training might be right on target, but on race day it might not happen. Injury, illness, weather, and travel are all factors on race day that can derail efforts to qualify. Once the BQ is attained, then you have to register and train for another marathon...this time the coveted race. And finally, race Boston. A race that is at least a year in the making and usually more.

Now that you know the background, that is where I was. Having trained and raced two marathons for the past two years, I arrived in Boston with visions of grandeur. My training had gone well and I arrived with no illness or injury. Having completed 3/4 of the Boston journey, I fully expected to have the race of my life and wear the jacket and metal with pride. That did not happen and the lesson I learned I want to share with you and hope you apply it to your life and struggles.

Within 4 miles of this race, I knew my goal race was over. My legs hurt, my HR was too high for that early in the race and I generally felt worn out. I stopped and walked and thought about the 22 miles remaining to finish that day. It was daunting. I considered stepping off the course and getting a ride to the finish line. I thought about the many people tracking my race online and the thought of disappointing them with my terrible race confronted me.

Among runners there is a runner code of conduct, a sort of runners rule when it come to races and especially the Boston Marathon. Each year the Boston Athletic Association produces a jacket. It is the equivalent to the adult letter jacket, something to wear to show your accomplishment. The rule follows that you can only wear the jacket if you run and finish the race. It is similar with the metal, but the metal is given at the finish line, so the chances of breaking that rule is less.

I already bought the jacket. I bought it two days earlier when all my dreams were intact of PR times and a glorious race. Now as I walked more than I ran, I considered what I would do with this jacket, because I couldn't wear it.

I had to decide. Would I step off and end my race? I could accept that I already came this far. So many have said, "what an accomplishment to even qualify!" Should I suffer and risk injury by pushing thru? Would anyone doubt my decision?  I was hot, tired and miserably disappointed.

But I also had another choice. I could enjoy this moment. I would not run the race I planned, but I could enjoy what I did not plan and finish. I could celebrate for what remained, have some fun and accept the day given to me.

Really that's all we can do. There is very little we have control over, but we have control over our own attitude. We can choose to accept the day for what it is, or we can give in and go home and lick our wounds in disappointment. I would NEVER get over stepping off the road and quitting. I would have remembered that day with sadness always and deep down, I knew it. I tell you this and hope you learn this about yourself, and choose accordingly.

Your precious father, who was tracking my every step online, called to check in and I told him my plans to stop racing and celebrate the day. I know he worried but understood. Had I run the race I wanted, I would not have had nearly as much fun. Had I stepped off and not finished, I would have ruined the day and regret would remain.


So I continued. I took pictures, talked with locals, drank beer and enjoyed the view. I had an amazing day.

As I crossed the finish line, I was sad that I did not run what I wanted.  I did not train to walk most of the course. I trained to run hard and fast... I did not train to take pictures.

It took me a while to mentally recover. I tried to figure out what happened. I followed my training schedule exactly. I ate right, I tapered. What happened? Then I realized, it didn't matter. I finished! No one seemed to care if I PR'd (personal record) or not. Not many asked my time either. Even among runners, my time was an arbitrary number that did not matter. What mattered is that I finished.

I completed the long task of training, running, training again and then finishing the Boston Marathon!

We live in an age where if things get difficult its accepted to give up. You will hear phases like, it's not worth the trouble, you've done enough already, you don't have to prove anything to anyone.
I will confess it was hard to finish. I was disappointed. The pull to walk off and give up was strong. At the time it was easier to quit. Now, looking back at the great fun I had, the memories and feeling of accomplishment, I am surprised I considered it.

That is how it will be for you. Not necessarily in a race, but in other times of your life. Quitting will seem like the easier more logical choice than to stick with the pain and frustration of completing the task.  It will seem easier, but the weight you'll bear afterward is heavy. Heavier than we imagine. 

I want to share with you some of the things I considered quitting but completed: job obligations, promises, breastfeeding, master's degree and even marriage. These things are hard but worth the struggle to complete. They were and are for me. 

Dearest Gigi, you will want to quit, don't. Hold on and finish the task. You have a great many people cheering you on. Some you know and many you don't, cheering you on to finish your race. I assure you, it is worth it.

At the end of the race, when I could see the finish line. I was overwhelmed at the crowd. Cheering for  runners to finish. They did not know me, my time, nor my disappointment. Yet, they cheered.

I am cheering for you. Don't give up. Slow down, change your plans, change your focus, but hold on, continue and don't give up. 


~ Mom


"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us"     Hebrews 12:1

Grace, Mercy and Ice Storms

Dear Gigi,

I tell people the main reason we live in Texas is for the mild winter. Currently there is a massive blizzard in the North, and today in Texas we will enjoy 60* temps and some outside play in the sunshine. I love the sunshine. I never get enough of it, but that is a different story. 

As you can imagine, when winter does come to Texas it causes a bit of upheaval. Without adequate sand machines (I don't know technical name) and snow plows, the city in which we live shuts down and we stay inside and wait for the Texas heat to melt it away. At least, that's the plan when you stay at home, or you are already at home when the storm hits.

That was not the case during the last terrible ice storm in North Texas. We had just returned from a trip and needed to get home. Roads were iced over, traffic stopped for hours and travel nearly impossible. We were only 2 hrs away but were stopped in gridlock along with hundreds of other cars for hours. There were police traveling on 4 wheelers and handing out water and gasoline as there were hundreds of people stranded in their cars on blocked roads with no where to go.

We exited the freeway the first chance we got. Not that it lead anywhere, but it was closer to gas, water and even lodging, which is far better than sleeping in our car on the highway with un-known strangers.  Back roads were not better, but at least there was no traffic.  So although the roads were still covered in ice, no one was blocking our way to pass.

Slowly and and ever so slowly, we pushed forward. I think we could have walked faster than we traveled. Although walking in that weather would not have been very comfortable.  After multiple starts and stops we made it back to the freeway. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw then. I was hoping to see moving traffic along the road home, what we saw was pristine ice on a major roadway. Not one car, not one truck, just us on 2 inches of perfect ice. It was like driving on an ice rink, but without a zamboni.

As delicately and carefully as we could, we moved forward slowly, keeping the wheel straight as to not skid out. I am not sure what was behind us to impede the traffic but we were alone on ice. It felt very unsettling, like were exploring new undiscovered territory.  A short time later a large pick-up truck came flying past us! Like we were standing still this truck flew by going 90+ mph on ICE!

Astonished, I thought to myself, "Serves him right, if he crashes!"  I imagined that truck had four-wheel drive, but that does not prevent it from sliding into a ditch. It might get you out of a ditch, but it might not. Fool-hearty and reckless, relying on a false safety mechanism it drove like there was no danger at all. The mom in me wanted to scold the driver of the truck for even being out on a day like this.

As I sat in judgement of the speeding truck, I realized.....that's me! Speeding off on my own believing I have security when I only have an illusion. I put trust in a bank account number. I put trust in a job in which I am of some importance. I trust a relationship to be solid, an insurance plan to protect me, my health and wellness and I feel safe. And yet, in a blink of an eye, I slip on ice and slide out of control. The job is lost, the relationship ends, the money dries up, and where am I left? I am left on the side of the road with no way to move forward. Broken and stuck. And that is where Grace and Mercy show up. The come from the only one that can be trusted.

Mercy can be defined as NOT getting what you deserve.  Reckless high speed driving on iced roads leads to (and deserves) an accident, a spin out or at least a good scare. Then having to walk in the cold to find a phone and/or a tow truck. Mercy would not only help a distressed driver, mercy would help prevent the accident from happening.

Grace can be defined as receiving what you do not deserve. Grace would help pull the stranded vehicle from where it stuck and carry them home. After such reckless behavior, do they deserve such treatment? The answer is no, but that is what Grace does.

Grace does not leave me by the side of the metaphorical road of life stranded, dismayed and no way to move forward.  Mercy sets my feet on the rock of a solid foundation. The foundation that my worth is based on what God says about me and not a job, a relationship or a number in a bank account.

Dearest Gigi nothing in THIS world is sure, no job, no marriage, or amount of money will give you the security and peace we all so desperately crave. Only Jesus. Put your heart and trust in HIM. Find peace and comfort in the one that knows you best. It will save you many a sleepless night and keep you on the road and out of a ditch.

Scripture that helped me:

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire: he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. Psalms 40:1-3

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matt 11:28

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. Matt 24:35