Dearest Gigi,
I had a goal race. The big one for many marathon runners. I have heard it described as the Olympics for mortals. If you can't qualify for the Olympic trials then qualify for Boston. Many a runner will know what I am talking about .....you might not. As much as I hope you'll become a runner and love this sport...you might not, so I'll explain.
Boston is not just any marathon. This race requires a qualifying time in order to participate. So there's really a series of tasks that must be completed in order to even gain entry and start on Patriots Day. First you have to train for a marathon. Not the Boston Marathon, but a different marathon in which to submit qualifying time. Next you have to actually run a qualifying time. This is no easy task. Training might be right on target, but on race day it might not happen. Injury, illness, weather, and travel are all factors on race day that can derail efforts to qualify. Once the BQ is attained, then you have to register and train for another marathon...this time the coveted race. And finally, race Boston. A race that is at least a year in the making and usually more.
Now that you know the background, that is where I was. Having trained and raced two marathons for the past two years, I arrived in Boston with visions of grandeur. My training had gone well and I arrived with no illness or injury. Having completed 3/4 of the Boston journey, I fully expected to have the race of my life and wear the jacket and metal with pride. That did not happen and the lesson I learned I want to share with you and hope you apply it to your life and struggles.
Within 4 miles of this race, I knew my goal race was over. My legs hurt, my HR was too high for that early in the race and I generally felt worn out. I stopped and walked and thought about the 22 miles remaining to finish that day. It was daunting. I considered stepping off the course and getting a ride to the finish line. I thought about the many people tracking my race online and the thought of disappointing them with my terrible race confronted me.
Among runners there is a runner code of conduct, a sort of runners rule when it come to races and especially the Boston Marathon. Each year the Boston Athletic Association produces a jacket. It is the equivalent to the adult letter jacket, something to wear to show your accomplishment. The rule follows that you can only wear the jacket if you run and finish the race. It is similar with the metal, but the metal is given at the finish line, so the chances of breaking that rule is less.
I already bought the jacket. I bought it two days earlier when all my dreams were intact of PR times and a glorious race. Now as I walked more than I ran, I considered what I would do with this jacket, because I couldn't wear it.
I had to decide. Would I step off and end my race? I could accept that I already came this far. So many have said, "what an accomplishment to even qualify!" Should I suffer and risk injury by pushing thru? Would anyone doubt my decision? I was hot, tired and miserably disappointed.
But I also had another choice. I could enjoy this moment. I would not run the race I planned, but I could enjoy what I did not plan and finish. I could celebrate for what remained, have some fun and accept the day given to me.
Really that's all we can do. There is very little we have control over, but we have control over our own attitude. We can choose to accept the day for what it is, or we can give in and go home and lick our wounds in disappointment. I would NEVER get over stepping off the road and quitting. I would have remembered that day with sadness always and deep down, I knew it. I tell you this and hope you learn this about yourself, and choose accordingly.
Your precious father, who was tracking my every step online, called to check in and I told him my plans to stop racing and celebrate the day. I know he worried but understood. Had I run the race I wanted, I would not have had nearly as much fun. Had I stepped off and not finished, I would have ruined the day and regret would remain.
So I continued. I took pictures, talked with locals, drank beer and enjoyed the view. I had an amazing day.
As I crossed the finish line, I was sad that I did not run what I wanted. I did not train to walk most of the course. I trained to run hard and fast... I did not train to take pictures.
It took me a while to mentally recover. I tried to figure out what happened. I followed my training schedule exactly. I ate right, I tapered. What happened? Then I realized, it didn't matter. I finished! No one seemed to care if I PR'd (personal record) or not. Not many asked my time either. Even among runners, my time was an arbitrary number that did not matter. What mattered is that I finished.
I completed the long task of training, running, training again and then finishing the Boston Marathon!
We live in an age where if things get difficult its accepted to give up. You will hear phases like, it's not worth the trouble, you've done enough already, you don't have to prove anything to anyone.
I will confess it was hard to finish. I was disappointed. The pull to walk off and give up was strong. At the time it was easier to quit. Now, looking back at the great fun I had, the memories and feeling of accomplishment, I am surprised I considered it.
That is how it will be for you. Not necessarily in a race, but in other times of your life. Quitting will seem like the easier more logical choice than to stick with the pain and frustration of completing the task. It will seem easier, but the weight you'll bear afterward is heavy. Heavier than we imagine.
I want to share with you some of the things I considered quitting but completed: job obligations, promises, breastfeeding, master's degree and even marriage. These things are hard but worth the struggle to complete. They were and are for me.
Dearest Gigi, you will want to quit, don't. Hold on and finish the task. You have a great many people cheering you on. Some you know and many you don't, cheering you on to finish your race. I assure you, it is worth it.
At the end of the race, when I could see the finish line. I was overwhelmed at the crowd. Cheering for runners to finish. They did not know me, my time, nor my disappointment. Yet, they cheered.
I am cheering for you. Don't give up. Slow down, change your plans, change your focus, but hold on, continue and don't give up.
~ Mom
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" Hebrews 12:1
