Today, we celebrate. Perhaps your dad and I more than you, but celebration all the same. I write to today so that you can read about a time I am glad you will forget. Today you were cleared of your last food allergy. Today we sat at the doctors office and waited for any reaction from your food challenge. You passed with flying colors, without hiccup, rash or any other discomfort. You watched a movie while I waited and watched you closely. My emotions heighten at the thought of your discomfort. Fear built up inside me and I prayed.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, 1John 4:18To say that you rocked my world when you were born would be an understatement. As baby #2, I thought I knew what I was doing. I did not. The story of your birth is a another story altogether. I could write and write about how your surprised us all. But this story took 5+ years to write. Years that we celebrated today...what marked what allergies would be a part of who you are and what you would outgrow.
After we brought you home, I expected the sleepless nights and the sleepy days. I had your very easy brother to compare you to a newborn. I expected the 4th trimester of getting to know each other, nursing, sleeping, cuddling. Yet, you were not well. The crying went thru the night and into the day. After nursing, you would be less happy. Colic some called it, but something told me it was more. As a mother, always listen to your gut. if something is wrong find out and keep looking till you get the answer.
At your 6 week newborn appointment, I stressed my worries to the doctor. She dismissed me as over sensitive new mother, telling me that I did not nurse you enough and this would pass. I explained my concern for your unsettled demeanor and your scary diapers, the doctor seemed unmoved and unconcerned. And then, as if by on command, you had a bowel movement. I showed the doctor what was scaring me and immediately, she acknowledged and confirmed my worry, and I heard for the first time about food allergies.
I was then advised to put you on formula. The Dr. explained that because you took in everything I took in, the safest route was to feed you formula until we were able to determine what your allergies. I felt defeated. I quit my job to care and feed you and now a major part of that would be removed. The logic did not make sense to me either. If you were allergic to milk and soy, what was left? Chemicals? The Dr. explained to that because we did not know your allergies, I'd have to remove from my diet the top 8 allergens; milk, eggs, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, shellfish, wheat and corn. She had never met a mother able to remove all of those from their diet. My mental response, watch me. I tell you this, because you are stronger than me, and You can do hard things too.
And there started our food allergy journey. Of documenting everything I ate, pumping and saving milk that I feared had a contaminate. Endless appointments at specialists. This was not an easy journey. We saw pediatricians, pediatric gastroenterologists, dermatologists, allergists, and multiples of each as we were active duty military stationed at a training hospital, then moved when you were nine months old. So we had several starts and stops, with some exposures, skin reactions and many sleepless nights both from worry and from unrest.
I recall cutting you fingernails one night, feeling tired emotionally, physically and spiritually, and I clipped your finger. It was then I broke down and cried. I cried to God, admitting I could not do this. I had reach the point of giving up and I needed help. I do not know how we made it thru our first year. It rocked my world.....but what a blessing.
Because of you, I learned how to read food labels. Because of you, we are all healthier. I learned about chemicals, additives and preservatives, things I never even considered before. I learned about the value of whole foods, whole grains and clean eating. These things would never have even graced our door. Before you, two working parents ate whatever was fast and easy. As a result, my health improved as I removed allergens from our diet.
Because of you, I learned how to cook. There was a time I thought such domesticated pursuits were beneath me. I was wrong. There is honor is caring and loving your family. There was a steep learning curve, but I embraced the climb. The transition from working mother to stay-at-home mom can be difficult, you filled every empty moment with purpose.
Because of you, I learned that I could give beyond myself, leaning on the strength of a love greater than myself and we grew stronger together. This very difficult time was a blessing to us all. Struggle is a blessing, because of what we learn from it. There is a reason for struggle.
And now we are here, five years later and here you are cleared from food allergies. And yet, I wouldn't change our journey for the easy road, for how can we know peace if we don't know struggle?
