Do I want you to struggle? That is a complicated question. I will reserve my answer for now.
I want you to be strong. I want you to work hard. I want you to be humble. I want you to know God personally.
Do I want you to hurt? No.
Do I want you to be afraid? No.
Do those things come with struggle? Yes.
When we first moved to Lubbock, none of you knew how to swim. Moving to a house with a pool, your father and I promptly got you swim lessons. Private lessons in our own pool so you would be comfortable and well aquatinted with the water right outside our door. You took to the lessons quickly, your 2yo brother, did not. He hated swim time. He was afraid of water and yelled for the first several lessons. But after about 6 weeks of lessons, he became familiar with the water and started to enjoy playing on the shallow shelf.
At the end of the summer, we celebrated your older brother's birthday with a pool party, of course. We enjoyed the July heat with popsicles and water! Your younger brother, now braver, enjoyed jumping into the arms of his grandmother. Over and over and over again he jumped to the safety of strong capable arms. There was no fear and no danger.
Then it was time to cut the cake. We all exited the pool to sing happy birthday. Everyone except the new little water lover. As we finished the song, I turned to see my 2yo happily jump back into to pool with no one to catch him. He could not swim, a fact that had me follow him into the pool seconds after he jumped. He was delighted to find me fully dressed and very wet. He never knew there was any danger. Smiles and laughter and danger avoided.
The following Tuesday we addressed the incident with our swim instructor. He explained that your baby brother was in a very dangerous stage. He thought he could swim, but could not and he was not afraid of the water, water that just outside our back door. The instructors advice? Give Sam some healthy fear, let him realize he cannot swim, yet and to allow him to struggle. He said he would allow my 2yo to jump in the water and not catch him. Sam would try to swim and fail. He would realize the water is dangerous........So your father, our swim instructor, and myself collectively held our breaths, and Sam jumped in...fearless. Sam struggled and I cried. His arms flailed, and he sank lower.
Its amazing when God speaks. In the moments Sam sank and three adults watched, and too be clear it was only moments, God whispered in my mama's heart. The heart that never wants any of you to struggle. The heart that wants you always happy and to rescue you from all discomfort, unpleasantness and disappointment. God whispered a thousand words in one second and I understood.
That struggle will save Sam's life. I need to allow Sam to struggle to save his life. Allow him to struggle.......
The most important thing God whispered while I cringed... "I have him."
The instructor pulled Sam up as he coughed and looked around. He was consoled and then taught how to float. Sam trusted the instructor, allowed him to hold him and teach him. The exercise was terrible to watch and probably saved his life. The struggle saved his life...as now, Sam wanted to learn to swim.
My point, embrace the struggle. You may not enjoy it, but it has purpose. When you forget your homework, and fail, you learn responsibility. When you're late, you learn to set an alarm, or two. When you can't keep up in academics or athletics, you learn to work hard. When you're broke, you learn to save and allocate money. When your clothes don't fit, you learn about eating healthy. When you get a speeding ticket, you learn to slow down. When you take an unpopular stance for what you believe, you learn who you friends are.
These are exceptionally simple examples, none are life and death. Often we don't see the purpose in our struggles until much much later. You, my Gigi, were a struggle. You had food allergies and I did not know what to do. But because of you and our struggle, I learned how to cook, to read labels and we are all healthier because of it.
Finally, when you struggle so much and you reach the end of you...the end of your grit, your strength, your ability, your rope.......you learn the God of mercy is there. It sometimes takes the end of ourselves and the height of struggle to learn this powerful truth but it is worth knowing.
How can we know peace if we don't know a storm? How can we learn how to fly if the wind never blows. And how can we ever learn to get up, if we never fall? God has you! Within the struggle, God has you.
Do I want you to struggle? Still a hard question to answer.
I want you to know the God of Peace.
I hope you read this when you're struggling. I hope you read this when you're not. I hope you remember this when I don't rescue you. Please know that I want to. But I would rather you gain your footing and find your own faith, then to never to know a struggle.
Love,
Mom
Verses that help me during the struggle:
2 Corinthians 12:9
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Romans 15:13
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
James 1:2-6
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
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