Facades and the benefit of letting yours down.

Dear children,

I took this picture 5 years ago knowing I had something to say about it. It seems things will marinate in my thoughts a while before they bubble up and I must write them down. Or in this case, write to you.

This building is in a small town in Oklahoma. One of the larger and nicer buildings in this area. I assumed that the rest of the building was the same as the front. As I turned the corner one day, I caught a glimpse of the side. This stately building was not as it seemed, it was a facade. It was not brick, not tall and not very pretty.  I took a picture and moved on, but I thought about this in our own lives as well as in buildings.

We live our lives online today. We have online personas, accounts, images, and brands. It is impossible not to be online and have a presence.  Businesses, offices, grocery stores and artists each have a website, an instagram account and a twitter feed. It is how we communicate with the world and each other. We find our news, our weather, our inspiration for our homes, our workouts, and our fashion. We are constantly looking at a screen for information and of course, friends.

What we are also looking at, in all those smiling faces, happy families and epic experiences, is a facade. Its just the pretty outer layer. Its the tall brick facing of an otherwise plain metal building.

The facade is real and not all together bad. I myself use photo filters to blur my wrinkles. I post all the happiness of family adventures and victories. What I do not post are the arguments, mis-undertandings and bad hair days. My plain building is not for the world to see. I don't recommend you share with the world the whole of you. The world is cruel and mean and will "shame" whatever imperfections you dare to share.

Build your facade. Make it pretty,  for the world is watching, including your future boss and mother in law.

My advice, in this world of facades, is to take yours down, for a few or for a person that you see in person, face to face.  Find that person or persons that you allow to know the plain building of you, without the filters and the overly happy persona. Be able to confess you are scared, anxious, joyful, embarrassed, stressed, sleepy,  depressed or just okay. Have one or a few that will hold your hand and pray when you can't.  That will sit next to you in silence when words are not necessary, or cheer you on when no one else knows your struggle or your goals. A friend that will tell you when you are being irrational, jealous or stupid and you will trust them enough to listen. A friend that can speak wisdom into your life and you can accept it because there is no jealousy or envy between you.

Make knowing and being known to actual people a priority. Let them know you outside of a screen. You might find them through online groups, but then meet in person. Gather often and be known.

I have such a friend. Outside of your father, she is the one that knows me best. It is both comforting and scary. This person has the power to break my heart and I've allowed it. I treasure it and will care for it.

Take your facade down, for one or a few. Finding this person or persons is no easy task. It is indeed easier to keep everyone behind the filter, in front of the facade and at arms length. But the reward of trust and sisterhood is an amazing prize worth seeking.

You will be a better person, a better spouse and a better friend for doing so. Will you get hurt? Probably. Is it worth it? Absolutely.



Scripture that helped me:


Proverbs 13:20  Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 18:24  A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

John 15:13 Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.