Dear Younger Me

Our church is going thru a sermon series called Self Talk. How we talk to ourselves matters. Our Pastor asked us, the first week,  "What would future you tell present day you?" This question annoyed me.  If I knew future me I would know the future and therefore have all the answers!

I posed this question and my irritation with my community group. Their wisdom was profound. They said, future you would probably tell present you what you would tell past you. Meaning, my future self would say the same things I would tell my younger self. I had to ponder this. What would i say to my younger self?

What a question! How many times have we heard the phase, "if I knew then what I know now!"
I started to think about the mistakes and regrets that I have plenty of.  What would I try to avoid? How would I avoid it?

I thought about you. I am an "older mom." I had my kids later than the average mom. While friends were having children in their 20s, I waited till I was 30.  Would I change that? No. I was not ready to have children, and no amount of future knowledge would change that. God's timing is perfect and you came at the perfect time.

What I would tell myself to save myself from heartache and headache, that I would have rather avoided is this:

Your worth, your value and ultimately your purpose are from God and God alone. 

The majority of the mistakes I've made, past present and probably future have come from me striving to find my self worth.

Here's what I would tell myself thru my life stages.

In elementary I would tell myself, that those jeans and those clothes would make you no more valuable than the girls with the expensive wardrobe.  And their treatment of you, for not having the right clothes, does not dictate you worth.

In junior high, I would tell myself, your parent's multiple breakups have nothing to do with you. Although they fight about you and your siblings, you do not hold them together. No amount of better behavior will save their marriage. It is not about you. It is about them.

In high school, I would tell myself that the boyfriend does not define you. No amount of your time, energy, emotion or your body will be enough to give you or him what you both need.

In college I would tell myself that your talent or lack thereof does not give you value. Races won or not won, points scored or not scored, passing or failing grades does not give you anymore value than the non athlete or the academician.  And the teammates, roommates and coworkers that clamor and grasp and leave you out and snub you are JUST AS LOST AS YOU, and trying to find their self worth too.

In grad school, I would tell myself to save my money. I would say save the sleep for something worth losing sleep over.  Those letters behind your name will not matter. You will not be more important, more validated or more worthy because you have a master's degree. It will not change your path, or your worth.

As a newly wed, I would tell myself to love my husband but not find my worth in his eyes. He is his owe person with his own dreams and struggles. And when you rely on him to give you worth and value,  not only are you disappointed but you are worried, afraid and anxious.  None of these things draw him closer to you, in fact they push him away.

As a new mom, I would tell myself to rest. There is no book, no method, no training for newborns. They are hard. And when it is hard, it does not mean you are less of a mom. It just means that it is hard.


You are of infinite value. And when you feel insecure spend time with  the savior that loves you and gave His life for you.  Stop and pray. Read scripture and write down your insecurities. Spend time alone and time with another that knows your worth.

The more you know about the Savior, the more you will know about yourself.  And the more you know about yourself, the less you will need others to validate you. The more you know about the love of the savior, the less things of this world you will need to fill the void that only He can fill.

So what would future me tell me now? I think I know.

Spend more time with the savior. Take your worries, your insecurities and your heart to the Father. Your past value and future comfort will come from Him because He loves you.


Scripture to get you started and helped me:

Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me;  you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead. Psalms 86:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will callon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  Jeremiah 29:11-13

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:  “I have loved you with an everlasting love;  I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.  Jeremiah 31:3

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

Facades and the benefit of letting yours down.

Dear children,

I took this picture 5 years ago knowing I had something to say about it. It seems things will marinate in my thoughts a while before they bubble up and I must write them down. Or in this case, write to you.

This building is in a small town in Oklahoma. One of the larger and nicer buildings in this area. I assumed that the rest of the building was the same as the front. As I turned the corner one day, I caught a glimpse of the side. This stately building was not as it seemed, it was a facade. It was not brick, not tall and not very pretty.  I took a picture and moved on, but I thought about this in our own lives as well as in buildings.

We live our lives online today. We have online personas, accounts, images, and brands. It is impossible not to be online and have a presence.  Businesses, offices, grocery stores and artists each have a website, an instagram account and a twitter feed. It is how we communicate with the world and each other. We find our news, our weather, our inspiration for our homes, our workouts, and our fashion. We are constantly looking at a screen for information and of course, friends.

What we are also looking at, in all those smiling faces, happy families and epic experiences, is a facade. Its just the pretty outer layer. Its the tall brick facing of an otherwise plain metal building.

The facade is real and not all together bad. I myself use photo filters to blur my wrinkles. I post all the happiness of family adventures and victories. What I do not post are the arguments, mis-undertandings and bad hair days. My plain building is not for the world to see. I don't recommend you share with the world the whole of you. The world is cruel and mean and will "shame" whatever imperfections you dare to share.

Build your facade. Make it pretty,  for the world is watching, including your future boss and mother in law.

My advice, in this world of facades, is to take yours down, for a few or for a person that you see in person, face to face.  Find that person or persons that you allow to know the plain building of you, without the filters and the overly happy persona. Be able to confess you are scared, anxious, joyful, embarrassed, stressed, sleepy,  depressed or just okay. Have one or a few that will hold your hand and pray when you can't.  That will sit next to you in silence when words are not necessary, or cheer you on when no one else knows your struggle or your goals. A friend that will tell you when you are being irrational, jealous or stupid and you will trust them enough to listen. A friend that can speak wisdom into your life and you can accept it because there is no jealousy or envy between you.

Make knowing and being known to actual people a priority. Let them know you outside of a screen. You might find them through online groups, but then meet in person. Gather often and be known.

I have such a friend. Outside of your father, she is the one that knows me best. It is both comforting and scary. This person has the power to break my heart and I've allowed it. I treasure it and will care for it.

Take your facade down, for one or a few. Finding this person or persons is no easy task. It is indeed easier to keep everyone behind the filter, in front of the facade and at arms length. But the reward of trust and sisterhood is an amazing prize worth seeking.

You will be a better person, a better spouse and a better friend for doing so. Will you get hurt? Probably. Is it worth it? Absolutely.



Scripture that helped me:


Proverbs 13:20  Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 18:24  A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

John 15:13 Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.